As many of you know, last year I finally graduated with a masters' degree in public relations. I, for some reason, thought that with a masters' degree I would have a better chance to do what I love in this country, the country of freedom.
I quickly found out that, just like when I graduated in 2012 with a bachelor's degree in broadcast journalism, it really doesn't matter what level of education you have here. Or whether you are a good citizen, or someone who would be a great asset to this country's economy and society. To work and stay here legally is almost impossible, unless you are loaded with money, are an engineer or a doctor, or want to trick the system and marry a citizen just for the papers.
I tried calling everyone I knew, took more courses after graduating to enhance my education in different areas looking for new ways I thought I could contribute to this country, met with lawyers, took state tests, among others.
The year is almost over and I see myself today having to accept the harsh reality that all my efforts in all these years since 2008, are not going to be useful today. Because today I know I won't be able to work as a journalist in this country for who knows how long.
While dealing with this realization, I lost my very loved grandfather on May 5th, whom I wasn't even able to say goodbye in his funeral.
What a year! I know. It's safe to say that after all of this, I entered a dark phase of my life, where some days I wouldn't get out of bed and others I took advantage of my pain medication to keep sleeping because I simply didn't want to be awake.
As I'm writing this, I'm struggling with the idea of making this public, but I know I need to; I need to do this for myself and for others who might be going through a hard time.
Going to physical therapy not only helped me with my pain, but, in a way, it helped me psychologically. At first, I hated going, because it meant a 4-mile walk every time I went since I don't have a car after the accident. But then it started to become a reason to get out of bed and challenge myself to get better. I still had my dark days, where I would just cry for hours and hide, but every week I had less and less dark days.
During my lasts weeks of physical therapy those around me started to mentally challenging me by asking me a lot of questions like: "Ok, so this is your reality now. What are you going to do about it?" "Are you going to make this hard phase of your life something to learn from or a waste of time?" At the beginning I thought "Easy for you to say. Walk a mile in my shoes and then let's talk." It later hit me that they are right, having a negative attitude in a hard moment of your life only makes it ten times harder.
So I'm making an effort today in finding the little things that make me happy, like writing. Besides from going back to blogging, I'm writing down my short-term and long-term goals in a place where I'm forced to see them every morning so I know that the situation I'm going through at the moment might be hard to face, but I need to stay focused and have my goals in mind...ALWAYS.
For those going through a rough time in life my advice is: 1) make sure to have people who love you surrounding you, 2) Find joy in the little things, 3) Make time every day to do something that you love and takes your mind off of things. 4) Write down your goals where you see them every day. Staying focused on the future, makes all of your problems seem smaller.
Today, I don't have a clear path regarding my career, work, and purpose in life. I don't have a car so I spend most of my days locked in an apartment (there's no transportation services available where I live). But I can tell you that I have decided to no longer survive this phase of my life, I am going to live it and learn from it. I am going to find small and specific solutions for one problem at a time and always make time to do the things that make me happy. Yes, I do have my dark days still but they are different now, because now I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
It was very hard to write this post, but I hope that it helps someone going through something similar. I know it has definitely help me to get back on track. I'll write to you all again soon in a much less dramatic tone, I promise. Thank you to my support system, I wouldn't have been able to go through this without you (you know who you are).